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Two Thursdays ago was a day of anxiety—not the negative sort that God discourages, but the exciting, “I can’t wait!” kind (you'll read why). I had Abril and Beteli for my first shift, Daniela for the second. Abril and Beteli played great together—I only had a challenge towards the end when Abril felt tired, but I got her to sleep in no time! Daniela was even more dirty and smelly than normal, but also came in really tired (her mom said something about her not getting to bed until after 10, so…), so after an apparently much-needed 2 HOUR NAP (I slept by her for 1 hour) she woke up and I gave her a bath in the sink. She LOVED it! It was so cute; and she seemed quite elated to be clean--as if it doesn’t happen very often. :\

--Also, it RAINED here that day! Like stormy! Thunder, lightening, toda—all day! And apparently Daniela (the girl who fake-passed out two weeks ago) is afraid of thunder and lightning, so was hysterical every time one of the two went off in the sky.--

So yeah, after baby business was done on Thursday it was time to do laundry and pack for HOME! I was going home; I had known since I first came here, but decided to keep it on the DL in case plans changed or something (even up until my last day visiting home, plans were changing). I was desirous to leave all day! We left after Uncle Kent and Aunt Lila’s APEN 1 class (child evangelism level 1) got out at 9ish. Uncle Kent let us get In-n-Out for dinner in San Diego area (I had been craving) and then he drove us to Anaheim for the night where we stayed in a motel before we took off the next morning.

My weekend was so wonderful. I got to see my Mama and Papa, which was probably my most favorite part. I was also able to surprise a few friends, go swing dancing, catch up on life with my besties, visit Taylors, go to my church, and pray over my dad (which was cool). I didn’t get to see everyone I would have liked to, but 3½ days isn’t much time—my mom has informed me that Christmas break is in 8 weeks, so I’ll have 3 weeks of catching up with people I missed then.

I didn’t want to come back to Mexico.

Anyway, internet’s been down here for the past week and a half, or whatever it’s been. I feel terrible for not being a consistent blogger. I’m working on it.

I’ve been half-depressed this past week (well, since I got back), because I know that “dying to self” is definitely something God is asking me to do, but I feel like it may entail more. Jesus told his disciples and followers that if they wanted to follow Him they had to give up everything: family, possessions, passions…
My question is, why would it be any different today?
The thought of leaving my family to follow God makes me angry. I love Jesus and desire to pursue His calling—of healing, of evangelism, of teaching, of miracles—but to never see my family for it? I do love Him more, but I love and need my family, too. I’m just feeling so torn by the World’s idea of what a Good Christian is and the Bible’s idea of what a Good Christian is—they are vastly different things, you’ll note if you read the Word. And why is that? Why is today’s Christian so different from yesterday’s? Culture? Culture shouldn’t be a reason for not serving God with your WHOLE LIFE. Disciples of yesterday didn’t love their families any less than we do today. Priorities may be the answer. Is God your number one priority? Passion could be another. Disciples of yesterday walked with, talked with, and saw the miracles of Jesus; no need for Faith, when they saw first-hand the works of God by God. They had a Passion that was fed straight from the breast, where as Christians today are bottle-fed with formula and have to somehow get that same strength.

Boogers.

I want to perform miracles. The Church has let that go. But what is Faith without Works? God’s Works? The Church is at an elementary state—every Sunday we go to the beach just to dip our toe in the ocean—we’re still being taught how to be “Good Christians” and encouraged that we should be closer to God and incorporate Him more into our lives. When will we go waist deep and learn the Power of God? Or when will we surf the waves and perform the miracles God intended us to? How cool would that be if once again Christians—the Church—were the ones people went to get healed? Our goal as a Christians is to get as many into the Kingdom as we can, but we’re trying to do that without the Power of God?

That’s my little piece of mind and also the battle in my soul and spirit right now. It’s weird; I physically feel like a warrior lately—exhausted, yet determined.

So this past week, since I got back, has been a typical week of nursery for half the day, miscellaneous doings &/or errands for the other half, eating, and fasting.

On Sunday, when the three of us would typically go into town (San Diego) together for shopping, visiting with Elaine (Tio’s mama), and eating lunner, I offered to go myself and do their shopping for them this time. I needed that alone time. I got lost a few times, even with the GPS, but it didn’t matter so much.

Today is Tuesday, October 12 at 1:40 PM. I just finished watching a record of 5 kids (I’m aware that’s not many), and they dropped in slowly as the 2.75 hours furthered. Today I was reminded, even more than usual, of how much Spanish I still need to learn; Beteli was giving me attitude and I didn’t know how to respond. This is when facial expressions came in handy (good thing most of those are universal).

My mama sent me pumpkin apple muffins from the pumpkin patch, too; a little piece of home and memories with every nibble.

I begin to tear up every time I think about my mama. I never thought I’d miss her this much.

I’ve been thinking about it: I’m basically in college without taking classes and earning a degree. I mean, in the situational aspect: I’m away from home for months at a time, I can Skype my friends and family and use internet, I live in the dorms with recent strangers, and I’m learning something that interests me. I’m not the only 18-year-old who is homesick. I’m not the only 18-year-old who is trying a new thing. Sometimes I act and I blog like I am unique, which I only am to an extent. The pride and arrogance may derive from the fact that I chose a different route than my peers, but the routes run rather parallel in many ways. Just seems like more people (specifically family) frown upon the route I’ve chosen. What they don’t know is that my destination is better, especially for me.

However, to appease the hopes and desires of those who’d prefer me to “get an education” like the rest of my peers, and also (as my mom has said) to maybe sooth the homesickness with something familiar, I am planning on taking online or night classes this next semester. We’ll see what happens with that plan.

For now I'll stick to watching munchkins, progressing in Spanish (hopefully more rapidly), learning the Power of God, and eating nectarines.